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16/01/17 - Lack of experience

16/01/17 - Male, 14 :

My girl friend want oure relationship to go to the next level and im really exited about the consept but she thinks that ive had lots of experiance but actuly ive never done anneything and im worryed ill dissapoint her


Ali says -

It is great that you have been able to discuss taking your relationship to the next level (I am assuming by this that you mean to start a sexual relationship of some kind) before you have actually done anything as this gives you chance to prepare yourselves.

Your concern about this is understandable; most people have concerns before they have sex for the first time. It is also good that you are thinking about your partner and wanting to make sure that she enjoys it too. Being able to talk to each other honestly about how you feel and what you want from each other is very important for a healthy relationship.

Some other things to think about before you take the next step. Make sure that you have also discussed contraception; we have a Youthoria page about contraception which you can look at for more information.

It could also be worth speaking to someone who can register you for a c-card as they will be able to talk to you both together about this. It would be beneficial to look at the Life tab on the Youthoria website, sub-section sex where you will find information about sexual health clinics, the C-card scheme in Cambridgeshire (which runs in youth centres, some school nurses and some Doctors’ surgeries) and lots of other links to useful sites/information. Hopefully you will find answers to your questions through one of these places.

You might also find the NHS Website Choices; worth talking about helpful and have some interesting things for you to read and get more knowledge about the whole subject.

As you are only 14 it is also worth thinking about the legal aspect of what you are going to do, the legal age of consent for having sex in this country is 16. The average age for having sex for the first time is around 16-17 depending on which piece of research you look at! Often people will exaggerate what they have done and their experience level, it is usually best to be honest whenever possible.

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